I could come up with all the bullshit reasons why I haven't done this and why I haven't done that, unfortunately all those reasons don't really explain why I haven't accomplished half of what I wanted to. I always tell myself I am going to be some great autodidact and really focus on furthering my intellect, that I'll turn myself into some sort of Renaissance man of sorts. Instead all those books sit untouched, my cello is gathering dust in storage, and instead of any real growth I find myself with a growing sense of cynicism. Let's be realistic that doesn't really promote self growth all it does it make one increasingly nihilistic in one's views of the world.
So here is what I intend to do....I could continue to just bullshit myself about this internalized bucket list of things I want to do but for some reason just cannot commit to completing; Or I could basically just accept certain things that I have already set in motion. I purchased a new domain name and hosting service 6 months back, I've been letting it "gather dust" on some back shelf on the internet,....so now it's time to move forward with that domain.
So here is what I'm gonna blog about, I read, I read a lot usually --unless I've managed to sign myself up for a shit ton of overtime at work. I'm also going to blog about what I got my stupid ass into.. that's right, a tough mudder. Here's the rub with that, I have an auto immune disorder called Hidradenitis suppurativa--it's a bitch and completely sucks but I decided to fight against it and run this tough mudder in october with some of my friends from work. I am also thinking about going back to college, so if I do decide to do that I'll probably blog about that....but mostly in this new blog relaunch I'll be talking about... books and reading .. as well as this training for the tough mudder and finding a way to get the HS to heal ....
so it's time to put a punctuation mark to all my bullshit and finally commit to something or just find myself drowning in the ennui created by unhappiness, nihilism and cynicism.